Today, divorce is much more common and spoken about than it used to be. However, what we misunderstand about this is that it does not make it any easier on those getting divorced or on the children. The fact that we now speak openly about divorce and find it more common, makes it more normal but that does not necessarily make it an easier transition. Even more so, if the divorce becomes high conflict which usually makes it a traumatic experience for everyone. When a divorce is high conflict, parents cannot seem to agree on anything and are focused on “winning” in the divorce. This usually means that one party has unreasonable wants prolonging the process.
Working with couples and families getting divorced you realize that there are two things that always cause disagreement, can you guess what there are? If you guessed children and money you were right. When it comes to children time sharing, holidays, and vacations are usually a challenge to agree upon. When it comes to money it usually is the division of assets, alimony, and child support. So while those getting divorced are overwhelmed with the process, the child can easily become impacted. How? Well, they are seeing their parents go through what seems like a never-ending battle and they feel stuck in the middle. However, it does not have to be that way. There are ways you can be there for your child which could minimize the likelihood that they will have negative outcomes from the divorce. Here are some:
1. Do not talk badly about the other parent to the child
2. Do not make your child choose between both parents
3. Do not ask your child things to get information from him or her
4. Be honest with your child BUT keep it kid friendly
5. Remember to tell you child that NO MATTER WHAT both parents will always love them
6. Make sure that your child does not feel stuck in the middle
7. Talk to your child about how they are feeling
8. Do not mention child support or alimony
Remember after the divorce, your child will have to undergo a huge change which may be overwhelming for them. Get them support like a therapy. If you are not sure if your child is experiencing negative effects due to the divorce pay attention to things like withdrawal, isolation, irritability, sadness, and decrease in academic success. Be honest with your child regarding the fact that the divorce is happening and what that may look like for them. But do not tell them all the details. If you need help regarding support services through a divorce visit www.rkcaregroup.com .