For most of us, the process of divorce feels like a loss. Loss of trust. Loss of love. Loss of romance. Loss of intimacy. Loss of faith. Loss of finances. Loss of assets. Loss of stability. Loss of social norms. So many losses that this blog will not be sufficient to list. But what do we really lose during and short-after the divorce process…? We lose our meaning.
So what is “meaning” really means? You might be surprised, but there is no agreed upon definition of “meaning”. Oh, and guess what? The beauty of not having a clear definition is the realization that meaning must be uncovered, discovered, maintained and embrace by you!
It isn’t a secret that for most of us the process of divorce is anxiety provoking, confusing, depressing, BUT, most of all…leads to sense of emptiness, of worthlessness, and of hopelessness. Meaning-Centered divorce mediation be your road to discovering a brighter future and reclaiming your sense of self.
Divorce Mediation is an alternative to divorce litigation. Mediation is an opportunity for both parties to negotiate their divorce in a fair manner. The goal of the mediator is to facilitate the negotiation process and assist both parties in exploring their needs. Often times, mediations begin with a fight. Both parties are emotionally-driven, and an ego fight begin. And when they fight, revenge is their motive. So, let’s explore why ego-fights and revenge can be dangerous. When we think and act while allowing our ego and sense of revenge to lead our thought-process we deviate from our true needs, from our goals, and from our very own self. So, can we eliminate ego-fights and negative thinking permanently? Probably not. BUT we can train ourselves to stay-tune and recognize changes in our emotional and cognitive state.
Divorce mediation can provoke changes in our emotional and cognitive state. If we are able to recognize those changes then we are able to self-regulate and control our thinking and behaviors. So how do we self-regulate during divorce mediation?
- Pointing out what remained intact
- Pointing out perspective
- Pointing out goals
- Pointing out MEANING
Although the divorce process gives us a sense of brokenness there is still a lot that remains intact. For each of us different things/aspects in life remain intact. Examples of such can be; parenthood, career, friendship, extended family, previously acquired education, good health, friends, and etc. During crisis we neglect to remember how much we do have and how many things are already working for us. It important that we remind ourselves what has remained intact.
Pointing out perspective is important during divorce, especially when discussing timesharing during mediation. We must remind ourselves that divorce is a termination of marriage, not parenthood. Therefore, the best interest of the children should be your priority. Unless there is abuse or neglect, kids need the support and presence of both parents, even if it means one parent at-a-time.
Goals. Set goals. It will help you focus on your needs and wishes and will assist you in staying on target. When experiencing high intensity of emotions, a look at your goals will assist you in self-regulating and remind you what you are trying to accomplish during the mediation session. It will assist you in decreasing chances of seeking unreasonable demands that are a result of emotional dysregulation.
Meaning. How do we reclaim sense of a meaning when we feel so broken? We grieve our losses. We recognize our vulnerability. We understand that it is okay to be sad, to be lonely, to feel betrayed. And when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we connect. We connect to ourselves and search for a meaning. A meaning to our existence. A meaning can be our drive, our motivation to re-build, re-live, re-discover, and re-connect.
At RK Care Group our family mediators will guide and assist both parties in negotiating a fair outcome through a meaning-centered mediation. You can call us at 305-900-7203 or visit Rkcaregroup.com for more information. If you are in South Florida you can find us under mediation near me map search!