Many parents call us and express how worried they are about their children’s social skills. They worry that their children may be experiencing challenges making and maintaining friends. In addition, they often times are concerned that this may mean that something is wrong with their child. So lets start by defining what social skills are; social skills are how we interact with others. Having good social skills is related to feeling happy and confident. In addition, the development of adequate social skills can result in making us easy people to get along with.
Assessing the social skills of our kids can be an indicator for us to know how our kids are doing in other areas in their life. According to Di Perna and Elliot (2000), Social skills play a key role in facilitating a student’s achievement in reading and mathematics through its direct influence on motivation. This motivation can in turn influence engagement and study skills and positively impact academic achievement. It is important to remember that as children get older they need to utilize their social skills more and more. Often times the first place we notice challenges in social skills is in school. The top ten social skills needed for school are as follows:
- Listens to Others
- Follows Directions
- Follows the rules of the classroom
- Ignores distractions caused by peers
- Is comfortable asking for help
- Takes turns in conversations and does not interrupt others
- Cooperates well with others including both adults and children
- Controls temper during conflicts also known as emotion regulation
- Acts in a responsible way with others
- Shows Kindness to Others
It is common for parents to be uninformed as to what may be causing or triggering the lack of social skills that a child is exhibiting. We always suggest that when there is a complaint about your child regarding their inability to socialize, it is important to remain calm and not jump to conclusions about your child. For example we often times get called and are asked “ where can I get a psychological evaluation near me my child is unable to socialize?” As much as a psychological evaluation may be needed, it may not be the answer to the problem. With that being said, lets look at other possibilities that are inhibiting your child’s social development. The inhibition of social skill development is known as competing behaviors. Competing problem behaviors are those behaviors that compete with or inhibit the acquisition or performance of social skills. Some examples of this are :
- Is unable to wait their turn
- Distractible and impulsive
- Has challenges expressing their feelings with words
- Lacks empathy or understanding the feelings of others
- Has challenges being creative or imaginative
- Exhibits challenges with body language and boundaries i.e. (stands too close or too far)
- Does not understand the consequences to their actions
- Does not use polite forms of communication for example does not say please or thank you
- Has difficulty starting a conversation
- Is unable to control their emotions/lack of emotion regulation i.e. temper tantrum
- Has challenges maintaining eye contact
- Be unable to maintain a topic of conversation and provides irrelevant comments during a conversation.
- Often asks inappropriate question
- Tends to only talk about things that are of their own interest
- Exhibits little interest in what someone else says
- Interpret what you say in a very literal way or is unable to utilize abstract thinking
- The speed of their voice is fast and stressed
- Has challenges understanding cues or facial expressions
Social skills play an important role in every area of your child’s life. It will impact their ability to make friends, to understand directions from their teachers, to have appropriate behavior in class, to understand what will make someone else upset, to know how to express emotions and feelings, to understand how to play a game in a nice manner with other children, or how to work in a group. This can result in many complaints from teachers or other parents who may not want their child to play with your child. Social challenges can be very overwhelming for parents so it’s important to observe their social interactions. There many possibilities as to why your child has challenges with social skill development :
- Vision impairment
- Hearing impairment
- Mental health issue like ADHD
- Autism Spectrum
- Learning disability
- Neurological issue
- Biological Issue
- Trauma
- Bullying
- Lack of consistency of parents
It is important to remember to approach your child social skill challenge holistically. What does this mean? Explore all areas of your child’s life to find the root of the challenge. That means work with a pediatrician to see if it is medical or biological, speak to the school counselor, the teacher to see how he or she is performing in school, a psychologist to get an assessment, a neurologist to see if it is rooted in the child’s brain, and make sure that your child is getting a chance at home to practice social skills. For example, have them do role plays at home, play games with you and their siblings, practice being polite, and see if child is able to identify and express how they feel. Us as parents, teachers, and counselors need to understand how important our role is. We are the model for our children. Therefore, if we do not know how to regulate our emotions neither will our child. If we do not take turns in speaking and constantly interrupt another person then the child will model that behavior. Also, if we do not say please and thank you then our child will not do it even if tell them to. We cannot expect our children to do what we are not doing. Lastly, do not become overwhelmed by the challenge, it may be something that needs simple modification.
Some options for intervention are :
- Behavior modification
- Psychological services
- Family therapy
- Occupational therapy
- Speech therapy
- Physical therapy
- And many more
It is important to pay attention to socialization early and if needed ask “ where can I get a psychological evaluation near me” If you need help visit our website rkcaregroup.com.
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